Hi,
It's been awhile since I have posted anything. I have had many bad days. Seems like the bad days are all I have now. My symptoms are getting worse. Chest pain, Shortness of breath, Palpitations, Fatigue, Dizziness are a daily occurrence. Sometimes all day. Now it seems I may be having some A-Fib mixed in their also.
Lately I have been experiencing BP Spikes. My normal BP on Meds is usually close to 120/70. Every once in a while I will get a spike to like 160/82 for about 20-30 mins. When this happens, I get agitated and angry really quick. To the point where I am almost out of control. I also find my self yelling at my children for little things that would normally not bother me. This is all taking a toll on my marriage and I fear my relationship with my children as well.
I feel like I am a burden on my wife and my children. My wife is a strong woman but I see her becoming more and more distant with me. Bad thoughts are creeping into my mind. I love my family and would never do anything to hurt them. But sometimes I think "Would they be better off with out me?" I never thought I would even think about Suicide, but after dealing with this disease for so long, bad thoughts find there way into your head. I could not act on them due to I know it would hurt them too much and they need me. I guess I am just having some bad days.
I am scheduled for a Septal Myectomy at the Cleveland Clinic near Thanksgiving. Really hoping the surgery will go well and give me some relief. Might be a light at the end of this tunnel... we shall see. I will post photos, videos, and blog on my experiences thru it all.
Hoping all of this might help someone going thru this damn disease in the future!
Walt
